The Times of India recognises this for what it is: war.
"This nation is under attack. The scale, intensity and level of orchestration of terror attacks in Mumbai put one thing beyond doubt: India is effectively at war and it has deadly enemies in its midst."
The editorial also has some familiar suggestions:
"Constitutional experts must put their hands together to see whether under existing laws any special, but temporary, powers can be given to the security agencies. All major political parties should be taken into confidence to see what urgent steps can be taken to prevent the nation from sinking deeper into chaos. There is a pressing need to restructure India's security architecture. A federal agency to deal with terrorism has been suggested by this newspaper and now by the PM. A coordinated effort to process information gleaned by state and central agencies should help to transform randomly collected information into actionable intelligence.
The government should immediately work on an internal security doctrine that demarcates the role of various security wings and a clear command structure to deal with terrorism. This should include contingency plans for various scenarios which lay out in advance how to respond to them. Tougher laws, in consultation with the opposition, may also be needed to control terror."
And observations:
"Besides terrorists coming in from the Arabian Sea, their looking for Americans, Britons and Israelis give the signal that the attack on Mumbai is a spillover from the larger war on terror. Al-Qaeda is, for the first time, feeling the pressure in its Pakistani sanctuaries as it is under Pakistani and American attack. But South Asian borders are notoriously porous. Al-Qaeda affiliated organisations such as Harkat-ul-Jihad-al-Islami (HuJI) have struck deep roots in Bangladesh.
To tackle terror in India it is urgently necessary to stabilise Pakistan and Bangladesh. And, India should seek international help now to upgrade its own security apparatus, but also to stabilise the entire region stretching from Afghanistan to Bangladesh. There is no time to waste."
Friday, 28 November 2008
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
Obama lines up more heavyweights
Obama looks set to unveil a strong national security team next week with Robert Gates remaining at DOD and former NATO chief General James Jones slotting in as national security adviser.
This illustrates that the president-elect, who is doubtless aware of the "soft power" he oozes, realises that "hard power" is still the currency of international relations when dealing with actors who do not share consonant interests. This is shaping up to be a tough administration, with a keen interest in clever diplomacy, and an unprecedented resevoir of global appeal. That should be a potent cocktail.
This illustrates that the president-elect, who is doubtless aware of the "soft power" he oozes, realises that "hard power" is still the currency of international relations when dealing with actors who do not share consonant interests. This is shaping up to be a tough administration, with a keen interest in clever diplomacy, and an unprecedented resevoir of global appeal. That should be a potent cocktail.
Friday, 21 November 2008
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Absolute babble once again
If Governor Palin wants to have a future in American politics, she needs to salvage her career in Alaska (where her approval ratings plunged 20 points during the campaign) and start studying the many policy areas that prompted her fall from grace. This interview with NBC is riddled with same sort of nonsense we heard from her over the past three months and she's not even discussing foreign or domestic policy. If she keeps this up, she won't give independents, who turned out quite decisively against her, a chance to refresh their opinions because these interviews reinforce her worst impressions. Moreover, she is addressing the gathering of GOP governors shortly - everyone knows she is popular with the base, so this won't change anything. She has plenty of time to learn the ropes and this is the worst way to go. What's the rush?
The Great War ninety years on
DULCE ET DECORUM EST
By
Wilfred Owen
Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori*.
*It is sweet and honourable to die for one's country.
By
Wilfred Owen
Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori*.
*It is sweet and honourable to die for one's country.
Sunday, 9 November 2008
Quote of the week
"And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world -- our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down -- we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security -- we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright --tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope."
President-elect Barack Obama, Chicago, IL, 11/04/08
President-elect Barack Obama, Chicago, IL, 11/04/08
What can you say?
These Orthodox priests broke into an Orthodox bar room brawl at a chruch service in Jerusalem today.
Apparently Greek and Armenian Orthodox priests in Jerusalem never got the memo about the Second Coming in Washington. Or maybe they're fighting over him?
In any case, this is exactly what Jerusalem needs. Israel is long over due another flare up.
What can you do other than laugh?
Apparently Greek and Armenian Orthodox priests in Jerusalem never got the memo about the Second Coming in Washington. Or maybe they're fighting over him?
In any case, this is exactly what Jerusalem needs. Israel is long over due another flare up.
What can you do other than laugh?
Bruni speaks out against Euro-racism
Nicholas Sarkozy's glamorous wife, Carla Bruni, has joined the chorus of Europeans who are currenlty decrying European racism in light of Obama's electoral triumph.
Mrs Bruni singled out Silvio Berlusconi for his lack of class in describing Obama's "suntan". The Italian born star said this type of incident makes her glad she became French.
Of course, even the wife of France's president recognizes the country is far from perfect and has signed a declaration calling for positive discrimination, unimaginatively entitled "Yes We Can."
If nothing else, Mrs Bruni well have made her husband squirm. A triumph in its own right.
Mrs Bruni singled out Silvio Berlusconi for his lack of class in describing Obama's "suntan". The Italian born star said this type of incident makes her glad she became French.
Of course, even the wife of France's president recognizes the country is far from perfect and has signed a declaration calling for positive discrimination, unimaginatively entitled "Yes We Can."
If nothing else, Mrs Bruni well have made her husband squirm. A triumph in its own right.
Joke of the week?
Hans-Gert Pottering, president of the European Parliament, is bustling with excitement over the rise of American interest in EU politics:
"It would be wonderful to think that the intense interest with which Europeans are following today's US presidential election might be matched by Americans watching the European parliamentary elections in June 2009."
Right. I would be surprised if Europeans show the same level of interest as they have shown in the American elections, nevermind Americans themselves.
"It would be wonderful to think that the intense interest with which Europeans are following today's US presidential election might be matched by Americans watching the European parliamentary elections in June 2009."
Right. I would be surprised if Europeans show the same level of interest as they have shown in the American elections, nevermind Americans themselves.
China gets the nod
Chinese state media reported this morning that President-elect Obama and President Hu Jintao spoke yesterday on the telephone.
They discussed issues such as Taiwan with Hu stressing respect and accommodation. President-elect Obama allgedly flattered his fellow conversationist: "The relationship between the United States and China is the most vital relationship on today's international stage".
We shall see who what other leaders were lucky enough to be waiting by the telephone yesterday.
They discussed issues such as Taiwan with Hu stressing respect and accommodation. President-elect Obama allgedly flattered his fellow conversationist: "The relationship between the United States and China is the most vital relationship on today's international stage".
We shall see who what other leaders were lucky enough to be waiting by the telephone yesterday.
Saturday, 8 November 2008
What's in a phone call?
When trying to assess the exact configuration of President-elect Obama's foreign policy priorities, the Rhino has been trying to track his phone calls to world leaders.
On Thursday he spoke with the leaders of Canada, Mexico, South Korea, Japan, the UK, Germany, France, Israel, and Australia. That would be an obvious first nine calls to make for any president-elect. He has since spoken with the leaders of Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Italy, Poland, and Pakistan.
Having presumably discussed his suntan with Berlusconi, the call to President Zardari in Pakistan was a wise one. Many experts, Vice President-elect Biden ranking highly amongst them, see the gargantuan danger that the current mess in Pakistan presents. It is very plausible that Pakistan could present the considerable foreign policy challenge of his administration, given that the situation there worsens daily and is inextricably linked to Afghanistan. With that in mind, has he spoken to Karzai or Maliki yet?
And, given the obvious importance that India enjoys on the world stage, not least as the world's largest democracy that has an obvious interest in Pakistan and the potential to be a positive counter-balance to China - why is Obama leaving the leaders in New Delhi lurking by the telephone like lovestruck teenagers? [Added to this is the reality that the US and India recently signed a civilian nuclear agreement that has mammoth geopolitical implications]
The president-elect has also spoken with the manikin that pretends to be in charge in Moscow. Is Moscow more important than Beijing? Or less deserving of some tough love?
Surely a call to Brasilia is on the horizon shortly. Given Obama has to address some pressing humanitarian matters as well, calls to Bangkok [on Myanmar] and Pretoria [on the entire continent, not least the current flare up in the DRC] would be prudent. I do add that South Africa is my native land so that may explain any personal bias. However, I do feel that given the scale of the challenges posed by the continet, it would be wise for the president-elect to start cultivating meaningful relastionships in a region where he is now the number one celebrity. He could, of course, be forgiven for not knowing who is actually in charge in South Africa - God only knows.
One cannot read too much into phone calls, but on first glance no fundamental realignment in international relations suggests itself. What is worth watching is where India and China figure on the pecking order, given Beijing and New Delhi have yet to receive the magic phone call, even though President Bush attempted to befriend both.
On another point of personal bias, Irish-Americans are feeling a little discomfort at the fact that the president-elect has yet to return the phone call made by the Irish Prime Minister [Taoiseach]. This same group were, quite unreasonably, perturbed when Obama did not include the emerald isle on his photo-call tour of Europe. Had Irish-Americans wanted a president who would pay lip service to Ireland then Clinton or McCain would have been better choices - remember, McCain is so infatuated with Ireland he brought her up in every debate. The reality is, with peace in Northern Ireland achieved, Ireland actually having a higher per-capita GDP then the United States (not for long), and with Obama elected, he has no reason to rank Ireland too highly on his list of foreign policy priorities. Nevertheless, one is confident that The One is not too bitter over being last in line in the 2004 Chicago St. Patrick's Day parade, as he siezed on St. Patrick's Day 2008 as an opporutinty to hold palaver with then Taoiseach Bertie Ahern, don his favourite green tie, and address a group of Irish-Americans, who he duly informed of his own Irish heritage.
As then Seanadoir Baraic O'Bama pointed out: "it never hurts to be a little Irish when running from for the presidency of the United States." Indeed. It worked for sixteen others.
He has already expressed his desire to follow in the footsteps of Kennedy, Reagan, and Clinton and visit the ancestral homeland of over forty million Americans, himself included. He will, no doubt, stay true to his words. Perhaps as election 2012 fast approaches.
On Thursday he spoke with the leaders of Canada, Mexico, South Korea, Japan, the UK, Germany, France, Israel, and Australia. That would be an obvious first nine calls to make for any president-elect. He has since spoken with the leaders of Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Italy, Poland, and Pakistan.
Having presumably discussed his suntan with Berlusconi, the call to President Zardari in Pakistan was a wise one. Many experts, Vice President-elect Biden ranking highly amongst them, see the gargantuan danger that the current mess in Pakistan presents. It is very plausible that Pakistan could present the considerable foreign policy challenge of his administration, given that the situation there worsens daily and is inextricably linked to Afghanistan. With that in mind, has he spoken to Karzai or Maliki yet?
And, given the obvious importance that India enjoys on the world stage, not least as the world's largest democracy that has an obvious interest in Pakistan and the potential to be a positive counter-balance to China - why is Obama leaving the leaders in New Delhi lurking by the telephone like lovestruck teenagers? [Added to this is the reality that the US and India recently signed a civilian nuclear agreement that has mammoth geopolitical implications]
The president-elect has also spoken with the manikin that pretends to be in charge in Moscow. Is Moscow more important than Beijing? Or less deserving of some tough love?
Surely a call to Brasilia is on the horizon shortly. Given Obama has to address some pressing humanitarian matters as well, calls to Bangkok [on Myanmar] and Pretoria [on the entire continent, not least the current flare up in the DRC] would be prudent. I do add that South Africa is my native land so that may explain any personal bias. However, I do feel that given the scale of the challenges posed by the continet, it would be wise for the president-elect to start cultivating meaningful relastionships in a region where he is now the number one celebrity. He could, of course, be forgiven for not knowing who is actually in charge in South Africa - God only knows.
One cannot read too much into phone calls, but on first glance no fundamental realignment in international relations suggests itself. What is worth watching is where India and China figure on the pecking order, given Beijing and New Delhi have yet to receive the magic phone call, even though President Bush attempted to befriend both.
On another point of personal bias, Irish-Americans are feeling a little discomfort at the fact that the president-elect has yet to return the phone call made by the Irish Prime Minister [Taoiseach]. This same group were, quite unreasonably, perturbed when Obama did not include the emerald isle on his photo-call tour of Europe. Had Irish-Americans wanted a president who would pay lip service to Ireland then Clinton or McCain would have been better choices - remember, McCain is so infatuated with Ireland he brought her up in every debate. The reality is, with peace in Northern Ireland achieved, Ireland actually having a higher per-capita GDP then the United States (not for long), and with Obama elected, he has no reason to rank Ireland too highly on his list of foreign policy priorities. Nevertheless, one is confident that The One is not too bitter over being last in line in the 2004 Chicago St. Patrick's Day parade, as he siezed on St. Patrick's Day 2008 as an opporutinty to hold palaver with then Taoiseach Bertie Ahern, don his favourite green tie, and address a group of Irish-Americans, who he duly informed of his own Irish heritage.
As then Seanadoir Baraic O'Bama pointed out: "it never hurts to be a little Irish when running from for the presidency of the United States." Indeed. It worked for sixteen others.
He has already expressed his desire to follow in the footsteps of Kennedy, Reagan, and Clinton and visit the ancestral homeland of over forty million Americans, himself included. He will, no doubt, stay true to his words. Perhaps as election 2012 fast approaches.
Probably not the message the post-racial president-elect had in mind
The Irish Times has this little gem nestled in the middle of a report on the President-elect's day on Friday:
'The new chief of staff's [Rahm Emanuel] father, Benjamin Emanuel, an Israeli who fought with the Irgun guerrilla group, told an Israeli newspaper that the Jewish state would have a good friend in the White House.
"Obviously he will influence the president to be pro-Israel," Ma'ariv quoted him as saying. "Why wouldn't he be? What is he, an Arab? He's not going to clean the floors of the White House [cringe, cringe, cringe]."'
No, Mr Emanuel, your son is not an Arab. But according to a few of McCain's supporters, his new boss is.
'The new chief of staff's [Rahm Emanuel] father, Benjamin Emanuel, an Israeli who fought with the Irgun guerrilla group, told an Israeli newspaper that the Jewish state would have a good friend in the White House.
"Obviously he will influence the president to be pro-Israel," Ma'ariv quoted him as saying. "Why wouldn't he be? What is he, an Arab? He's not going to clean the floors of the White House [cringe, cringe, cringe]."'
No, Mr Emanuel, your son is not an Arab. But according to a few of McCain's supporters, his new boss is.
Europe is a long way from producing an Obama, nevermind electing him
Trevor Phillips, the head of Britain's equality watchdog, has claimed a British Obama could never become prime minister because of the obstacles posed by "institutional racism". He misses the point entirely. The implicit suggestion that there is some British version of Obama lurking in the shadows, being impeded by racism, is off the mark. The reality is the structures of British society and culture prevent the creation of a British Obama.
Obama is a product of the United States. Only the US - I add the mandatory caveat that it has its problems of course - with its fluid racial and class structures could, not only facilitate Obama's rise, but allow for his very creation.
President-elect Obama is a uniquely American product that will not be effortlessly replicated elsewhere. This notion that there are European Obama's being held back is belied by the fact that they do not seem to exist at all.
A lot of societal change would have to occur before such a character could arrive on the British political scene. That unfortunate reality rings true for every European country. However, as always, what happens in the US slowly makes its way over the Atlantic waves - if Obama teaches European minorities anything, it is that they too will have their day. However, a whole lot more will have to change in the meantime.
Obama is a product of the United States. Only the US - I add the mandatory caveat that it has its problems of course - with its fluid racial and class structures could, not only facilitate Obama's rise, but allow for his very creation.
President-elect Obama is a uniquely American product that will not be effortlessly replicated elsewhere. This notion that there are European Obama's being held back is belied by the fact that they do not seem to exist at all.
A lot of societal change would have to occur before such a character could arrive on the British political scene. That unfortunate reality rings true for every European country. However, as always, what happens in the US slowly makes its way over the Atlantic waves - if Obama teaches European minorities anything, it is that they too will have their day. However, a whole lot more will have to change in the meantime.
General paralysis of the insane
A reader informs me that Fox News and their latest media darling, Governor Mike Huckabee, are consoling themselves by reminding each other that the electoral map is really just a sea of red with a few blue dots sprinkled in there.
Those blue blue dots wouldn't happen to be the states of Florida, North Carolina, Virginia, Ohio, Indiana, Iowa, Nebraska's second congressional district, New Mexico, Colorado, and Nevada, would they? The states that that were red mandates four years ago?
Indeed, whatever helps them sleep at night.
Those blue blue dots wouldn't happen to be the states of Florida, North Carolina, Virginia, Ohio, Indiana, Iowa, Nebraska's second congressional district, New Mexico, Colorado, and Nevada, would they? The states that that were red mandates four years ago?
Indeed, whatever helps them sleep at night.
Sunday, 2 November 2008
President Palin's first term: much done, much more to do
Thinking back, November 5, 2008, was a strange morning in America. A nation awoke, hungover, unsure of who it had gone to bed with the night before. Obama bagged Virginia early. Things were clearly on track as Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota all fell blue one by one. But events moved to a different beat in the rust belt. Ohio was tight the broadcasters repeated. Then, Pennsylvania went red. The world fell silent. How did this happen? Joe the Plumber was interviewed on Fox: “Americans are clearly rejecting this Islamo-socialist coup.” The hosts agreed.
His own state of Ohio followed suit shortly thereafter. So too did Indiana and West Virginia. Then Florida fell to the Republican hordes. There was a brief fight back in the Traheel State. But the joy was ephemeral. Iowa and Missouri fell in unison. Now the battle lines were clearly drawn. Three states remained, it was approaching early morning. The Republicans had 260 votes; the Democrats 259. New Mexico sided with the valiant Obama. Yet, Nevada fell to McCain. Civilization now rested on Colorado’s shoulders. Obama’s troops prayed. Remember the Greek columns Denver. Remember. Time slowed to a standstill. The fateful words were uttered: “NBC projects Colorado for McCain/Palin. John McCain will be the 44th president of the United States.” But strangely, they were wrong.
Thereafter, events moved at a fast pace.
Inauguration day came as a shock. President McCain’s infamous first act: resigning the presidency in favour of his running mate. “It’s what the base wants,” he kept repeating. Palin, now president, appointed McCain as her deputy in a move that had constitutional scholars crying foul. “We’re not gonna listen to the mainstream gotcha legal media,” the president said.
Vice President McCain returned to his arena. In a foreboding speech, he informed the US Senate, “my friends, I built this chamber with my bare hands... the president has informed me that the duty of the vice president is to control the flow of legislation in Congress, and I will not disappoint our beloved executive.” McCain’s first act was to introduce legislation conferring citizenship on all residents of Georgia. Congress demurred, but the president just issued an executive order. “Things are gonna be different around here,” Governor Saakashvilli said after he recited the Pledge of Allegiance. The Kremlin protested this move and announced its intention to re-annex Alaska, the Russian Valley area of California, and half of Canada. However, in the Battle of the Bering Straits the Russians were defeated by the US military’s new elite snowmachine unit. With victory assured, the president ordered the nuclear bombing of Moscow for good measure. Questioning this move was subsequently made an act of sedition.
With US power firmly established, President Palin announced some major “structural changes” would be forthcoming. The populace was clueless, but the blanks were soon filled in. The president was to become known as the Supreme Executive President, and the Vice President would be known as the Deputy Maverick. The United States Congress was to be disbanded forthwith. Speaker Pelosi protested, but was swiftly told that fake Americans did not have the right to petition their government. The US Supreme Court was abolished – they hadn’t done anything notable anyway, the president said. It was replaced by a collection of appointees, not subject to ratification. The US Dept of Corrections was ordered to adopt Guantanamo Bay as the paradigm of incarceration. Reading detainees their rights was no longer a requirement, the mavericks decreed.
Secretary of State Bolton also announced certain changes to State’s mandate. Firstly, so as not to confuse priorities, the headquarters of the State Department would be transferred to Jerusalem. He also declared, with the president’s full confidence, that second guessing Israel would be regarded as weak vacillation that runs counter to American interests, and would be grounds for dismissal from the US Foreign Service. Secondly, that foreign service was to undergo massive cuts, as 70% of American embassies and consulates would be closed. Diplomacy was not an arm of US power, the secretary said.
Not long afterwards, President Palin announced US intentions to withdraw from the United Nations. The UN was allowed to maintain its headquarters in New York, because as the president pointed out, that’s not really America anyway.
The mainstream media suffered an unscrupulous purge. This was perhaps best symbolized by the nailing of Katie Couric to the top of the Jefferson Memorial, but the cold reality was that by January 2010 there were only ten newspapers remaining in America. In a seamless transition, the Wall Street Journal and Fox News became the official mouthpieces of the state.
February of that year was fairly quiet, the only major public announcements coming from the president – decreeing that the capital was being moved from Washington DC to Juneau, Alaska – and Supreme State Prosecutor Rove who decided to review the status of all “Americans” who voted for Obama.
Vice President McCain then announced the successful creation of The League of Democracies. In a stirring address he said the US, Georgia, Columbia, and Israel would now lead the free world out of the stupor it finds itself in.
That summer SSP Rove appeared on Fox News to signal to government’s intention to adopt the Rove Electoral Map as the actual map of the United States. The red areas were to be considered the United States of America. The blue areas would be known as Anti-America. Its citizens would be subject to higher taxes – “since that’s what they want” – and travel restrictions. The White House – now named after the fact that it’s covered in snow all year long – also imposed a levy on Rhode Island for being the only state in the union not either drilling for oil or exploring hard enough to find it. White House Press Secretary Hannity said the president was unable to comment on the move as she was air raiding wolf dens in Montana – the species now being extinct from Alaska.
In October the cabinet held an emergency meeting led by McCain to discuss the need to do more to meet the threat posed by the swathe of countries “that don’t like us very much.” Not long after, the US declared war on Iran, Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, Syria, and France.
Canada was also annexed because the latest census figures showed more US citizens actually lived there than Canadian citizens as a result of a massive exodus in 2009. Though there was very little resistance shown, Ottawa was carpet bombed just in case. However, Viceroy Harper was said to be ecstatic with the new arrangement.
In the ill-fated daily’s last move, the Anchorage Daily News leaked that President Palin was said to be unhappy with McCain’s complicated “war-games” and ordered the nuking of Teheran, Caracas, and Pyongyang. France surrendered just in time. The following morning the New York Post ran with the headline “gotcha”, accompanied by a picture of a mushroom.
The end of year review painted a bleak picture of the US economy as trade was down over 200%, and the country had just endured its tenth quarter of negative growth. Even Wal-Mart, the government subsidised procurement service, was alleged to be struggling through this time of austerity.
Nevertheless, the president delivered an impassioned state of the union written by her senior aide William Kristol. The speech was entitled “Isn’t government so much more efficient, you know, now that we don’t have mid-terms”. She effortlessly tapered over the hardships facing America and touted her administration’s successes, such as the completion of the Baghdad-Miami bridge/pipeline. “You’re not nowhere to me, (and thanks for the oil),” she told the Mesopotamians on a state visit.
Upon conclusion of the address, the President left the country and travelled to New York City to lay a tombstone where the Wall Street bull had once proudly stood in a move symbolizing the death of the American financial system. President Palin was strangely gleeful, and all too eager to point out that she was ready to engage in foreign travel, like she was doing at that moment.
Throughout the course of 2011 the economy suffered so drastically the White House was forced to act. The federal government decided to sell all the Washington DC monuments on E-Bay, so as to generate capital to inject into the ailing economy. Nevertheless, economists were sceptical of the move.
Immigration to Mexico had become so intense by summer 2011 the Mexican government, following intense debate, concluded it had no option but to build a wall along the US border. Ambassador Limbaugh laughed off the move and called it “mutually beneficial.” He added, “we wanted the wall, they have the cheap labor to build it.”
In an effort to streamline government, and further reduce pork, the administration decided to merge the Department of Defense with the Department of State considering their mandates were one of the same thing. Thus, Secretary Schwarzenegger became Secretary Bolton’s deputy. The two men then departed on a “show of intent” tour of Europe, where they made a particularly controversial stop in postwar Paris. However, Bill O’Reilly, the US Ambassador to France, was delighted to receive the two men at the new US Embassy in Versailles.
Secretary for Commerce, Joe Plumber, delivered the end of year review in 2011, and quietly brushed over the fact that foreign trade was now virtually non-existent. He touted the incredible growth in pig iron production as an unequivocal success. He dismissed reports that China’s economy was now five times larger than America’s, as “a deliberate attempt by the liberal media to subvert the country we love into pursuing a socialistic path.” When asked by a foreign journalist what he planned to do to re-ignite the economy he said, “I ask the questions around here.” The man was subsequently shot.
Early in 2012 Mayor Obama announced his second candidacy for president of the United States, pending approval by the president, who mercifully, and certain of victory, obliged. However, his bid was subject to certain limitations such as the incapacitating rule that he had to raise $1 trillion to offset the damages the 2008 bailout and his fundraising in that year did to American democracy. Bizarrely, Obama raised the money in a week. Deputy Maverick McCain dismissed this notion as ludicrous. He saw subversion at work too. “The American people are not going to be cheated out of destiny by this deliberate attempt by Obama and his ACORN comrades to beguile the Democratic process,” he said at a campaign stop in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
Nevertheless, Obama continued to confound all odds. By June he had raised a war-chest larger than the US economy.
The president turned down the request by the Obama campaign to engage in three debates as had been customary. “I’m not gonna be fooled out of the hard business of being an executive by, you know, pretty words,” Mrs Palin said.
Obama said in a statement: “this is but the latest entry to the litany of vacuous attempts by the administration to besmirch my honor and deny me my birthright.”
The president shrugged this off at a G4 summit. “Obama,” she said, “sees our world as imperfect enough to pal around with terrorists.” The present world leaders and the Canadian viceroy all agreed. Prime Minister in exile of Australia, John Howard, weighed in saying a vote for Obama “would be a vote for Osama [the President of the Islamic Republic of Afghan-i-Pakistan].”
Meanwhile, Obama continued to draw millions to his campaign rallies. “They’re trying to bamboozle you into seeing me as foreign,” he said. His audience chanted “no they can’t” in response.
Obama’s grandiloquence reached it’s zenith when he delivered his convention speech in Richmond, VA, from the peak of a manmade pyramid draped in the attire of Ramses the Great. A crowd of one million strong had come to worship.
Sensing an Obama surge in the polls, Palin and McCain, took the decision to run against themselves, the strategy clearly having been successful last time. They were, they assured the American people, the only viable option to bring real change to Juneau.
President-Mentor Bush worked the campaign trail tirelessly.
They all said Obama had only eloquence to offer. He had no real plans to secure America from the threat posed by the nation of Afghan-i-Pakistan which was was consuming more of India daily. What would he do about Iran, which now had more nuclear weapons than Russia? He had, they maintained, no ideas about how to build on their immense successes with the iron and tin industry. He couldn’t be trusted they said. He doesn’t appreciate small town values, Americans were reminded.
And thereupon, Americans found themselves faced with two distinct visions of what next for the country, as a familiar tale was told again.
His own state of Ohio followed suit shortly thereafter. So too did Indiana and West Virginia. Then Florida fell to the Republican hordes. There was a brief fight back in the Traheel State. But the joy was ephemeral. Iowa and Missouri fell in unison. Now the battle lines were clearly drawn. Three states remained, it was approaching early morning. The Republicans had 260 votes; the Democrats 259. New Mexico sided with the valiant Obama. Yet, Nevada fell to McCain. Civilization now rested on Colorado’s shoulders. Obama’s troops prayed. Remember the Greek columns Denver. Remember. Time slowed to a standstill. The fateful words were uttered: “NBC projects Colorado for McCain/Palin. John McCain will be the 44th president of the United States.” But strangely, they were wrong.
Thereafter, events moved at a fast pace.
Inauguration day came as a shock. President McCain’s infamous first act: resigning the presidency in favour of his running mate. “It’s what the base wants,” he kept repeating. Palin, now president, appointed McCain as her deputy in a move that had constitutional scholars crying foul. “We’re not gonna listen to the mainstream gotcha legal media,” the president said.
Vice President McCain returned to his arena. In a foreboding speech, he informed the US Senate, “my friends, I built this chamber with my bare hands... the president has informed me that the duty of the vice president is to control the flow of legislation in Congress, and I will not disappoint our beloved executive.” McCain’s first act was to introduce legislation conferring citizenship on all residents of Georgia. Congress demurred, but the president just issued an executive order. “Things are gonna be different around here,” Governor Saakashvilli said after he recited the Pledge of Allegiance. The Kremlin protested this move and announced its intention to re-annex Alaska, the Russian Valley area of California, and half of Canada. However, in the Battle of the Bering Straits the Russians were defeated by the US military’s new elite snowmachine unit. With victory assured, the president ordered the nuclear bombing of Moscow for good measure. Questioning this move was subsequently made an act of sedition.
With US power firmly established, President Palin announced some major “structural changes” would be forthcoming. The populace was clueless, but the blanks were soon filled in. The president was to become known as the Supreme Executive President, and the Vice President would be known as the Deputy Maverick. The United States Congress was to be disbanded forthwith. Speaker Pelosi protested, but was swiftly told that fake Americans did not have the right to petition their government. The US Supreme Court was abolished – they hadn’t done anything notable anyway, the president said. It was replaced by a collection of appointees, not subject to ratification. The US Dept of Corrections was ordered to adopt Guantanamo Bay as the paradigm of incarceration. Reading detainees their rights was no longer a requirement, the mavericks decreed.
Secretary of State Bolton also announced certain changes to State’s mandate. Firstly, so as not to confuse priorities, the headquarters of the State Department would be transferred to Jerusalem. He also declared, with the president’s full confidence, that second guessing Israel would be regarded as weak vacillation that runs counter to American interests, and would be grounds for dismissal from the US Foreign Service. Secondly, that foreign service was to undergo massive cuts, as 70% of American embassies and consulates would be closed. Diplomacy was not an arm of US power, the secretary said.
Not long afterwards, President Palin announced US intentions to withdraw from the United Nations. The UN was allowed to maintain its headquarters in New York, because as the president pointed out, that’s not really America anyway.
The mainstream media suffered an unscrupulous purge. This was perhaps best symbolized by the nailing of Katie Couric to the top of the Jefferson Memorial, but the cold reality was that by January 2010 there were only ten newspapers remaining in America. In a seamless transition, the Wall Street Journal and Fox News became the official mouthpieces of the state.
February of that year was fairly quiet, the only major public announcements coming from the president – decreeing that the capital was being moved from Washington DC to Juneau, Alaska – and Supreme State Prosecutor Rove who decided to review the status of all “Americans” who voted for Obama.
Vice President McCain then announced the successful creation of The League of Democracies. In a stirring address he said the US, Georgia, Columbia, and Israel would now lead the free world out of the stupor it finds itself in.
That summer SSP Rove appeared on Fox News to signal to government’s intention to adopt the Rove Electoral Map as the actual map of the United States. The red areas were to be considered the United States of America. The blue areas would be known as Anti-America. Its citizens would be subject to higher taxes – “since that’s what they want” – and travel restrictions. The White House – now named after the fact that it’s covered in snow all year long – also imposed a levy on Rhode Island for being the only state in the union not either drilling for oil or exploring hard enough to find it. White House Press Secretary Hannity said the president was unable to comment on the move as she was air raiding wolf dens in Montana – the species now being extinct from Alaska.
In October the cabinet held an emergency meeting led by McCain to discuss the need to do more to meet the threat posed by the swathe of countries “that don’t like us very much.” Not long after, the US declared war on Iran, Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, Syria, and France.
Canada was also annexed because the latest census figures showed more US citizens actually lived there than Canadian citizens as a result of a massive exodus in 2009. Though there was very little resistance shown, Ottawa was carpet bombed just in case. However, Viceroy Harper was said to be ecstatic with the new arrangement.
In the ill-fated daily’s last move, the Anchorage Daily News leaked that President Palin was said to be unhappy with McCain’s complicated “war-games” and ordered the nuking of Teheran, Caracas, and Pyongyang. France surrendered just in time. The following morning the New York Post ran with the headline “gotcha”, accompanied by a picture of a mushroom.
The end of year review painted a bleak picture of the US economy as trade was down over 200%, and the country had just endured its tenth quarter of negative growth. Even Wal-Mart, the government subsidised procurement service, was alleged to be struggling through this time of austerity.
Nevertheless, the president delivered an impassioned state of the union written by her senior aide William Kristol. The speech was entitled “Isn’t government so much more efficient, you know, now that we don’t have mid-terms”. She effortlessly tapered over the hardships facing America and touted her administration’s successes, such as the completion of the Baghdad-Miami bridge/pipeline. “You’re not nowhere to me, (and thanks for the oil),” she told the Mesopotamians on a state visit.
Upon conclusion of the address, the President left the country and travelled to New York City to lay a tombstone where the Wall Street bull had once proudly stood in a move symbolizing the death of the American financial system. President Palin was strangely gleeful, and all too eager to point out that she was ready to engage in foreign travel, like she was doing at that moment.
Throughout the course of 2011 the economy suffered so drastically the White House was forced to act. The federal government decided to sell all the Washington DC monuments on E-Bay, so as to generate capital to inject into the ailing economy. Nevertheless, economists were sceptical of the move.
Immigration to Mexico had become so intense by summer 2011 the Mexican government, following intense debate, concluded it had no option but to build a wall along the US border. Ambassador Limbaugh laughed off the move and called it “mutually beneficial.” He added, “we wanted the wall, they have the cheap labor to build it.”
In an effort to streamline government, and further reduce pork, the administration decided to merge the Department of Defense with the Department of State considering their mandates were one of the same thing. Thus, Secretary Schwarzenegger became Secretary Bolton’s deputy. The two men then departed on a “show of intent” tour of Europe, where they made a particularly controversial stop in postwar Paris. However, Bill O’Reilly, the US Ambassador to France, was delighted to receive the two men at the new US Embassy in Versailles.
Secretary for Commerce, Joe Plumber, delivered the end of year review in 2011, and quietly brushed over the fact that foreign trade was now virtually non-existent. He touted the incredible growth in pig iron production as an unequivocal success. He dismissed reports that China’s economy was now five times larger than America’s, as “a deliberate attempt by the liberal media to subvert the country we love into pursuing a socialistic path.” When asked by a foreign journalist what he planned to do to re-ignite the economy he said, “I ask the questions around here.” The man was subsequently shot.
Early in 2012 Mayor Obama announced his second candidacy for president of the United States, pending approval by the president, who mercifully, and certain of victory, obliged. However, his bid was subject to certain limitations such as the incapacitating rule that he had to raise $1 trillion to offset the damages the 2008 bailout and his fundraising in that year did to American democracy. Bizarrely, Obama raised the money in a week. Deputy Maverick McCain dismissed this notion as ludicrous. He saw subversion at work too. “The American people are not going to be cheated out of destiny by this deliberate attempt by Obama and his ACORN comrades to beguile the Democratic process,” he said at a campaign stop in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
Nevertheless, Obama continued to confound all odds. By June he had raised a war-chest larger than the US economy.
The president turned down the request by the Obama campaign to engage in three debates as had been customary. “I’m not gonna be fooled out of the hard business of being an executive by, you know, pretty words,” Mrs Palin said.
Obama said in a statement: “this is but the latest entry to the litany of vacuous attempts by the administration to besmirch my honor and deny me my birthright.”
The president shrugged this off at a G4 summit. “Obama,” she said, “sees our world as imperfect enough to pal around with terrorists.” The present world leaders and the Canadian viceroy all agreed. Prime Minister in exile of Australia, John Howard, weighed in saying a vote for Obama “would be a vote for Osama [the President of the Islamic Republic of Afghan-i-Pakistan].”
Meanwhile, Obama continued to draw millions to his campaign rallies. “They’re trying to bamboozle you into seeing me as foreign,” he said. His audience chanted “no they can’t” in response.
Obama’s grandiloquence reached it’s zenith when he delivered his convention speech in Richmond, VA, from the peak of a manmade pyramid draped in the attire of Ramses the Great. A crowd of one million strong had come to worship.
Sensing an Obama surge in the polls, Palin and McCain, took the decision to run against themselves, the strategy clearly having been successful last time. They were, they assured the American people, the only viable option to bring real change to Juneau.
President-Mentor Bush worked the campaign trail tirelessly.
They all said Obama had only eloquence to offer. He had no real plans to secure America from the threat posed by the nation of Afghan-i-Pakistan which was was consuming more of India daily. What would he do about Iran, which now had more nuclear weapons than Russia? He had, they maintained, no ideas about how to build on their immense successes with the iron and tin industry. He couldn’t be trusted they said. He doesn’t appreciate small town values, Americans were reminded.
And thereupon, Americans found themselves faced with two distinct visions of what next for the country, as a familiar tale was told again.
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